Here are a few handy tips to annoy the bejeezus out of your co-workers in an open-office configuration:

1) If a topic’s worth discussing, it’s worth discussing on speaker phone. Bonus points if you’re talking to your dermatologist.

2) Instead of saving down a quick iPhone image to Dropbox of the whiteboard you just filled top to bottom with your multi-color Dry-Erase brilliance, just scrawl “DO NOT ERASE” on it. Then leave for your 2-week backpacking trip to Patagonia. Everyone will understand.

3) Be sure to cram as much text as you can possibly fit onto the project retrospective PowerPoint presentation. Why, with a few crafty abbreviations and a 4-point Arial font, you could get the entire Magna Carta on a single slide. The audience can get the gist via the audio anyway, since you’ll read each slide verbatim.

4) You can never spray on too much Axe. Use enough so your chick magnet scent-cloud enters the scrum before you do.

5) A garlic andouille sausage and pepper jack sandwich with extra onions is the perfect eat-at-your-desk lunch to get you through a grueling afternoon of pair programming.